I was still staying in a house in Rhode Island, and had come to love the area. There were hiking trails and beautiful beaches everywhere, and best of all, the people were amazing. Maggie and I spent almost every day out exploring. It was really cold most days, but we would bundle up so we could explore the beauty of the forests around us. A few different nights my friend Nate played live music at restaurants, and I would go out to see him play.
My friend Tara had reached out to me to see if I wanted to join her and a few others for a paint night. When I arrived, I joined the group sitting in a circle around a large poster board. Everyone was working together to create one masterpiece. We flung giant globs of paint onto the board, and used whatever tools we could find: toilet paper to dab, cardboard to make designs, and even a cup to make circles. The paint eventually grew so thick that Tara took canvases and placed them onto the board, bringing paint up with them when they were lifted, making multiple masterpieces. We were each able to take one home, and the one I chose was a tiny painting the size of my palm; I figured it was the perfect size to decorate my car with while traveling. As we continued painting, I took my friend Mike’s white bandana and placed it into the paint. When I pulled it up, it had a beautiful splatter of colors across it. To my delight, after it dried, he continued to wear it— a little walking art piece.
One of the days I was there, Maggie and I drove up to New Hampshire to visit my friend Ben. When we arrived, she was excited to see his dogs, and while we chatted, he told me that he had three horses. A few days prior to this, I had told a friend that riding a horse was on my bucket list and I was really hoping to ride one soon. Suddenly the opportunity was placed right into my lap. In excitement I asked, “ Can I ride one?!” To my delight he said yes. The horse I got to ride was a beautiful mustang. Ben told me I would be riding bareback, holding only the reins to steer the horse. “What will I hold onto to stay on, though?” I asked with wide eyes. He told me I would have to hold its mane. I was a little frightened about that, but knew it would just make the experience more interesting. He brought the horse over to the porch and I put one leg over its back. I had to jump a little to make it up, but I landed perfectly on top of it. We walked across the road to a beautiful trail that led through the forest. It was magical. Going for hikes is one of my favorite things, and now I was doing it on horse-back. The trails were smooth and good for the most part, but every once in a while we’d hit a few patches of ice. Every time the horse would skate around a bit, I was certain we were going down, but we both managed to stay upright. Going up hills was a bit of a thrill as well. The horse gained momentum as he went, and I thought I would slip right off his rump like I was on a slide, but luckily I stayed in place.
Later that night we decided to take Maggie and Ben’s two pups for a hike. We drove out to a beautiful hiking trail that started next to a large stone castle. Unfortunately we weren’t able to go inside, but it was still incredible to see the outside. We walked along as the dogs roamed about. We came to a large tree where the inside was completely hollow. The tree itself was so large that I fit inside of it standing upright, with extra room to spare! We walked down to a large pond that was frozen over. The ice was strong enough where we were able to run across it and slide around. Maggie seemed confused by the slippery surface at first, but as soon as she got used to it, she was zipping all around on the ice. I hadn’t seen her move that quickly in a long time, or seem that happy. It made my heart smile.
A few days later I met up with a friend Eddy back in Rhode Island to go for a hike. We met at this amazing spot called Fort Wetherill State Park. We walked down a little trail that opened up to multiple abandoned buildings splattered with graffiti; every inch of each building was covered. We walked along the tops of the structures, and then inside. It was so dark inside that we had to use our headlamps, and I had to carry Maggie because she seemed unsure of the ominous, dark rooms.
We walked down some trails that stretched alongside cliffs with the cold, harsh water splashing below. Eddy told me that people often come here in the summer to cliff dive, and I knew I would have to return once warmer weather eventually arrived. We walked down a path that opened onto a small, rocky beach; it was a beautiful spot. Afterwards we went out to a little Mexican restaurant for tacos, which are one of my favorite foods. It was the perfect ending to an amazing day.
Towards the end of my time in Rhode Island, I was able to take part in a San Pedro Plant Medicine Ceremony, an ancient Peruvian healing ritual intended to reunite the self with Mother Nature and the Divine. It wasn’t something I had originally planned on doing, but the opportunity seemed to fall into my lap, as if the medicine was calling to me. I put my hesitation aside, and joined in. The ceremony was a three day event. The first night we got to know each other and had a Rapé Ceremony. Rapé is a snuff that usually contains the ashes of different plants mixed in with tobacco. It is administered with a pipe that someone uses to blow the snuff into each one of your nostrils. It’s supposed to leave you with a soothing, grounded feeling. This was my first time using the snuff in ceremony and it burned pretty badly, but then left me with a gentle calmness to explore my thoughts. There were about fifteen of us who took part in the ceremony. We were all off to bed early that night so we could rise early the next day.
We started off the morning with group yoga, and Maggie joined in. We were all doing arm circles, and Maggie stood in the center of us, spinning with us the entire time. Everyone loved her and laughed as she spun about. Afterwards we all got comfortable on the floor in a big circle, and we were served the San Pedro one by one. It begins in a powder form that is mixed with water. It's very chalky, doesn’t taste very good, and it’s best to chug it, because the longer you wait, the thicker it gets. I drank the medicine and then made myself comfortable on the floor. We were told to take a few hours to look inward while we were lying there. At first all I could think was, “A few hours!? How am I supposed to just sit here that long doing absolutely nothing?” But once I came to terms with it, I started to relax and curled up in a ball with Maggie, just thinking about life.
I wasn’t sure what to expect going into this ceremony, but I had thought it would be more intense. This was gentle. It brought thoughts and memories in and out. I thought about people I used to be close to and wasn’t anymore; it made me sad, but I was able to sit with that sadness and think on it. I was reminded of when I was young, and all the neighborhood kids would play together. We spent all summer outside, playing kickball, fugitive, swimming in the pool and area ponds, and having mud wars. I was reminded of those simple times full of love and the warmth they brought to my life. I thought about all the poor choices I had made throughout my life where I wasn’t choosing to fully love myself. It was a time of realization and release that I am so grateful I was able to experience.
At the end of the night we all ate together. We had been fasting for the ceremony, and it had been over 24 hours since I had eaten. I was ready. Afterwards I sat with my friends Mike and Stevie at the table while we painted and talked about silly, random things.
The next morning we did a despacho ceremony. On top of a piece of large paper we each laid leaves that represented what we were letting go. Then we took multiple offerings of seeds and fruits and placed them each on top, making a beautiful mandala. We then wrapped up the paper with all the leaves and offerings, tying it with a bow. We took it outside where a fire had been started and burned it as the final release. I watched the flames as they engulfed my despacho. The fire wasn’t the orange color that it normally is; this fire burned a beautiful, bright gold, as if it knew the importance of this release. I walked away from it, leaving my hurts and bitterness behind. I knew I was ready to move on from the things that had been holding me back. I had a new love for myself, and for life, along with a new outlook and understanding for others.
I said goodbye to all the new friends I had made, and the old ones I had reconnected with. My friend Mike gave me one of his bracelets as he left, as a remembrance of the amazing time spent there, and all that we had learned.
My time in Rhode Island was coming to a close. I spent the last few days there seeing the friends I had made and trying to get some relaxation time in while riding out a nor’easter before I hit the road. It was bittersweet leaving. I had fallen in love with the region and the amazing people there. It seemed like there were endless places to explore, always a friendly face, with oh so much music. The place almost felt like home, and maybe someday it could be. As I drove off, I had a new appreciation for life. My spirit felt alive and whole, and I was ready for my next chapter.
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